Killa Nanny

Personalised Curtains

Aunts are often seen as second mothers—women who provide guidance, protection, and love without the direct authority of a parent. At least, that’s how it should be. I grew up knowing three of my aunts, but one stood out in the worst way: Aunt Nanny.

I never understood why she carried such a deep, burning resentment—especially towards my mother and even her own family. My mother treated her with a level of deference that always struck me as unnatural, as if she owed Nanny something. The imbalance in their relationship always lingered in the back of my mind, but I assumed it was normal. After all, my mother used to work for her when Nanny owned a curtains and bedding company. Research on family dynamics, such as that by psychologist Dr. Karyl McBride, highlights how obligation and guilt are often leveraged in controlling familial relationships.

As I grew older, I began to recognize what was happening. Nanny wasn’t just a strict relative; she was manipulative. She leveraged personal matters to control my mother and others, even going as far as withholding her passport. At the time, I didn’t understand the significance of this. I thought it was normal for family members to impose rules on one another. Studies on coercive control, including findings from Dr. Evan Stark, show that restricting movement and isolating victims are key tactics in psychological abuse. I later learned she had repeatedly threatened my mother, warning her that if she ever allowed family from abroad to visit, she would regret it.

Because of this, I never had the chance to grow up knowing my mother’s side of the family. It was as though my mother was held hostage in a life dictated by Nanny’s approval.

The Breaking Point

Years passed, and her grip only tightened. Nanny thrived on creating conflict, positioning herself as both the instigator and the authority. My mother suffered under her, and as a result, so did I. Seeing my mother broken by her manipulation chipped away at any respect I once had for Nanny.

Then, in the summer of 2018, my mother’s family finally started visiting. It brought so much joy to my mom, yet my mother was afraid. She asked me not to mention it, worried that word would reach Nanny. When Nanny inevitably found out, the balance of power shifted again—just not in my mother’s favor.

Nanny’s influence stretched beyond my mother and into other areas of our lives. She was also my grandmother’s caretaker, meaning any visit to my grandmother required crossing paths with her.

When my divorce from Drag-0 was finalized in June 2019, I sensed something was off. I couldn’t put my finger on it at the time, but looking back, the signs were everywhere—especially when my grandmother began asking about Drag-0 more frequently even post divorce.

Psychologists studying narcissistic family systems, such as Dr. Ramani Durvasula, emphasize that manipulation often extends across generations, reinforcing toxic patterns.

• On January 26, 2021: Mimi, The Fine China and I fly to Florida to registered her car to my brother’s house to receive EZ Pass mail.

  

• Jan 27, 2021: Mimi and I stay at the home my mom has in FL. Nanny left the garage door open at my parents’ house. I found it odd to see her there and questioned why and who left the door open.

  

• February 19, 2021: At my nephew’s funeral, Nanny stood behind my mother and placed her hand on my mother’s shoulder.

• June 12, 2021: Drag-0 did the same stood behind him as my brother was seated, watching the kids play soccer.

Both my mother and brother bowed their heads in response. They didn’t react, didn’t pull away not a single word. The submission was silent but loud. This silent submission is a key marker of deep-seated coercion. Experts in trauma psychology, such as Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, explain that the body's physical responses to coercion often override conscious thought

Summer 2024 I found my daughter crying to Drag-0, questioning why she needed to be part of the blackmail. I realized that the moment reminded me of something chilling: my daughter opening the door to the child’s bedroom after the child's passing, despite me telling her not to. The parallel was undeniable her actions was intentional.—both moments carried an unspoken message, a deliberate act disguised as coincidence.

Research indicates that coercive control—a strategic pattern of behaviors designed to dominate and entrap the victim—can have profound psychological impacts, including post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and depression. These mental health effects can cloud judgment and obscure recognition of the abuse while it's occurring. However, as victims begin to process their experiences, they may start connecting disparate events and behaviors, leading to a comprehensive understanding of the coercion they endured.

Past studies have established a distinct ERP pattern that occurs when people correctly remember an old stimuli; the pattern is essentially an electrophysiological brain signature of memory.

Dr. Christine insight into how coercive control and trauma bonds affect individuals.

Decoding the Body Language of Coercion

I learned during high emotional times especially when grief is present. Body language, in these moments, says more than words ever could. When responses are dictated by coercion rather than natural reactions, the difference is like lighting strike.

• A natural response to an unexpected touch often involves movement—pulling away, turning around, or acknowledging the touch.

• A controlled response, shaped by years of conditioning, looks different. Instead of reacting, the body submits. The head bows, the shoulders tense, and the person absorbs the action without acknowledgment. It's the bodies nature.

Decoding their Code

1. Curtain Company in Covert Communication:

   • “Curtains” symbolize concealment or covering up the truth. A business related to curtains could metaphorically imply a controlled environment where things are hidden in plain sight. The use of a family business as a power mechanism is a common coercion tactic—leveraging financial dependence to control someone’s choices. The company involved bedding as well, it hint at domestic entrapment, reinforcing dminance over the household

2. Leaving the Garage Door Open:

   • In a control dynamic, leaving an entry point open can be a message of vulnerability or a threat, suggesting that someone (Nanny) can come and go at will.

   • This was unusual, an intentional signaling Nanny had access to the space or was watching movements.

3. Hand on Shoulder at the Funeral:

   • Silent domination—placing a hand on someone’s shoulder from behind can be a gesture of possession or control.

   • The setting of a funeral amplifies the significance, as emotions are already heightened, making people more susceptible to submission.

   • The fact that my mother and brother bowed their heads instead of reacting shows subconscious compliance, reinforcing an established power dynamic.

   • Drag-0 mirroring the same action later, points to the coordinated psychological tactic—a reminder of control and influence over key family members.

Decode: My daughter opening the door to the child's bedroom after the child's passing and leaving it open, despite me telling her not to, was not a coincidence. It mirrored a deeper pattern of manipulation—one designed to break boundaries and reinforce control, much like the other instances.

Takeaways from This Chapter

1. Control isn’t always loud. Sometimes, it operates in silence, hidden behind cultural norms and family dynamics.

2. Body language reveals what words hide. Coercion can be recognized through repeated, submissive responses.

3. Manipulation thrives in isolation. Keeping my mother away from her family was a calculated move to maintain dominance.

4. Patterns matter. Seemingly small actions—like a hand on a shoulder—can be a signal, a reinforcement of control.

   
   

Understanding these patterns is crucial in identifying and stopping manipulation and abuse before it festers into a lifelong cycle.